I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
