last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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