Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
