Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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