WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
