I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
