so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
