Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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