So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
