Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
