Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
