I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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