Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
