I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
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But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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