I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
