i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
