just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
