she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
