I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
