Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
