just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
