I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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