My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize