my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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