So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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