If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Randomize
