its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
