I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
