theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
