i may or may not be watching the land before time
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
bring money and cleavage
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
