Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
