I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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