Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
