I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
