butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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