oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
