I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
