Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
