somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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