why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
