If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
