First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
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I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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