either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
