I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
