Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
