I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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