All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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