Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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