so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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