Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
