your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
