YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
