I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize