That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
