Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
