I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
