Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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