can we get nightvision for the apartment?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
