it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
