i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
