I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
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I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
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Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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