I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My dick has a subreddit
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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