So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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