You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
