i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I've blown a few things in my day
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My pussy is not your playground.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
