Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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