my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
