you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
