so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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