I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
