Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
