can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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