saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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