God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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