i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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