she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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