i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
