I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
