During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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