she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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