hotel room ftw
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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