grandma shit on top of the toilet
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
