I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
