she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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