the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
